Ted would like a 50-50 arrangement with the children.  He concedes that Mary has spent more time with the children and has done a good job with their care.  On the other hand, he has worked long overtime hours in order to make this possible.  He wants to work less and spend more time with the children.  He does not want to pay support forever.

Ted has been told that if he leaves the home before a final separation is reached, he will give Mary big advantages in any negotiations or litigation to follow.  The atmosphere in the home is terrible - everyone is suffering.

The first mediation session is cordial - barely cordial - apparently, neither spouse wants to leave a bad impression with the mediator.  To show good faith, Ted concedes that Mary will probably end up being the primary caregiver and have the majority of the time with the children.  On the other hand, Ted is not ready to give up whatever leverage he has by staying in the home until he knows more about Mary’s final position on various issues.  The parties agree to gather and exchange their financial disclosure for the next session.

The second session is unproductive.  It is high summer, hot outside, and inside the house the temperature is rising.  Not much progress has been made in terms of financial disclosure.  The mediator decides that the atmosphere is not conducive to progress and suggests that the session be suspended pending better disclosure.

By the time of the third session, enough financial disclosure has been assembled to allow for progress towards the final agreement.  However, it is quickly apparent no progress is going to be made until the parties have physically separated.  The parties are angry and frustrated with each other and with their situation.  The mediator shifts the focus of the session to finding an interim agreement, which will allow Ted to move from the home without suffering any financial or legal prejudice.  Anxious to find an agreement which meets their most pressing immediate needs, the parties work effectively towards a “without prejudice” agreement.   Ted’s income will continue to go into the joint account, which will continue to cover the expenses of the home.  Ted will open a second line of credit against which he will be permitted to draw enough funds to cover his new out-of-home expenses to a maximum amount per month.  The parties agree that Ted and Mary will share the responsibility for any overdraft from the joint account and the balance on the new line of credit as part of their equalization of property.  Ted and Mary are visibly pleased with this progress and exchange their first smiles (probably for months). 

The penultimate session finds the couple quite relaxed and positive: Ted has moved and is seeing the children regularly on weekends.  Both he and Mary are pleased with this aspect.  The interim financial agreement is working.  Since the last financial disclosure has been obtained,  Ted and Mary work out the terms for their final agreement with very little fuss.

At the last session, Ted and Mary meet with the mediator to review the agreement that the mediator has prepared.  Each is advised to see a lawyer before signing this agreement.  When they leave the session, it is clear that Ted and Mary have reached an agreement with which they are both pleased.

The key to this successful mediation was the interim agreement, which allowed Ted to leave the house.  In litigation or any other power- or rights-based process, such an agreement would not likely have been achieved.  The interim agreement created the atmosphere for resolution of the bigger, permanent issues.

Chris and Janet - The Pie in the Sky
Chris and Janet are in their fifties and at the end of a relationship that included only a few years of marriage following a shorter period of cohabitation.

Janet was previously married and divorced.  Chris was not previously married.  There are no children.

Chris has a position with a large consulting firm where his income varies depending on the number of assignments he receives each year and the amount of his annual bonuses.  His recent average income has been at least $120,000.00 per annum, but his future income is uncertain.

Janet is not formally employed.  She holds herself out to be a writer/artist but in reality has not had any earnings for a number of years.  She has been entirely dependent on Chris during the marriage and somewhat dependent on him during the period of cohabitation.

Chris is often away for extended periods on business assignments.  For Chris, the marriage is over and he is ready to move on.  He has no optimism for this relationship and no interest in making any effort to restore his feelings for Janet.

Janet, on the other hand, is very dependent emotionally and financially on Chris, and for her the break-up is very difficult.

In the private meeting with the mediator before the joint sessions, Chris suggested that there might be some negotiating imbalance in Janet’s favour.  He felt somewhat intimidated by her forcefulness whenever they had to make decisions.  Clearly, he is feeling some guilt about the emotional impact that the separation will have on Janet.

In her private meeting with the mediator, Janet appears to be oblivious to any idea of imbalance between she and Chris.  She says that she is seeing a lawyer but she is obviously still quite naive and uninformed in terms of her rights and entitlements and in terms of her life objectives.

In the first joint session, the parties are tentative but cooperative.  The issues are identified generally as being spousal support and equalization of property.  They each agree to get on with financial disclosure so that at the next session, beginnings can be made in respect of these issues.

At the next session, there is still a spirit of cooperation.  Chris has assembled documentation of his financial assets.  The property has already been listed for sale and there is agreement that each will make a wish list in respect of division of household contents to be compared to see if there are any serious issues in that regard.  In the meantime, both will continue to live in the matrimonial home, which appears to be a peaceful situation.

Discussion of spousal support is started.  Chris continues to be very reticent in this regard.  He is waiting for Janet to state a position.  Janet is uninformed and looking to the mediator to suggest numbers.  In these circumstances, the mediator suggests that before the next session, both should receive general legal advice and specific advice in respect of spousal support.  Using generic terms, the mediator suggests to both as to what sort of questions should be covered with the legal advisors.

The next session is delayed for some time because Chris is away on a work assignment.  On his return, he has found that the house has not generated much enthusiasm in the market even though it is located in an area where houses generally sell quickly.  Concern has been expressed to Chris by the realtor that the house and its garden have been overloaded with improvements which make it unattractive to the average buyer.  Chris sees this as Janet’s doing; he is ready to lower the asking price but Janet is reluctant.  In the meantime, of course, Chris is bearing all of the expenses and it will be difficult to finalize equalization without the house being sold.  There is beginning to be a much higher degree of tension in the household.

Janet has obtained legal advice relating to spousal support.  Her grief relating to the separation has transformed into anger and a determination to receive a spousal support settlement, which on the face of it, would appear to be far in excess of anything which she could expect to achieve in litigation (the pie in the sky).  When this is expressed by Janet, Chris for the first time, becomes more forthcoming in terms of his objectives.  He feels that he has carried the financial ball throughout and that it is time for Janet to become self-supporting.  He is clearly thinking in terms of a very short term and modest arrangement for spousal support.